I have been meaning to begin writing again for a long time.
It's easy to tuck away that desire to reflect, by which I mean more than sorting through surface feelings. I imagine my brain is layered tightly, dense and emitting tiny shards of light when inspiration hits the mark. I imagine the layers shift in response to deep breaths which change the experience of the lungs and infuse my body with those tiny lights. Choosing to visualize and articulate the power of breath taps into thoughts I've been having for some time.
How can I continue to become more self-aware?
What is my body telling me and how am I responding?
Am I my most authentic self?
These questions are knotty and I don't expect to have the answers right away. What I do expect, is a commitment that I will stay faithful to a journey which allows me to explore and love the questions themselves. In some ways I have begun this journey already without providing the label. Embracing yoga, for example, has fundamentally altered my life view. To be physically challenged and humbled, to allow for a spiritual curiosity which I've ignored for many years, to embrace meditation and deep, quiet thought.
What beginning this practice has taught me, however, is that I have only touched the surface of my authentic self.
The deep peace I feel at the end of a yoga practice is one I now search for in all areas of my life, recognizing that peace comes hand in hand with vulnerability, honesty, and truth. Difficult lessons provide us with harsh realities about ourselves, and forgiving yourself is often harder than forgiving others. I know that. Yet, I have faith in my ability to live as my truest, best self.
So, what does this mean? In articulating my thoughts I'm trying to spur further action, if for no one but myself. None of this is to say that I'm not happy in my life right now, because I am. I feel content on a level that I've seldom experienced. Perhaps it's this base of security which gives me the courage to step further into the unknown. Can I do something each day which scares me, stretches and opens my mind, which reflects the ongoing commitment I've made to myself?
Today: I began this blog, to begin thinking creatively again. We'll see where it leads me.